My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
