Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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