I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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