It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
