walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
