You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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