I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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