i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
