On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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