You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
