Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
