And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
