8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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