my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
