drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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