Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
