I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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