Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
