Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
