when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You were trust falling into bushes
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
