You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
