I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
