Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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