I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
