There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
