Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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