just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm bleeding and have questions
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
