im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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