He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
