The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
