At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
