You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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