I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
