She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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