OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
where are my eyebrows?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
