You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
