Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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