Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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