i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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