I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
