you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
