no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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