i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
3pm strippers are depressing
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
