id be glad to
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
