You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's blow job season.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
