I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
