Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
