There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
