i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
