I seem to have left my pride at pride
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
